"Your problem isn't karma, Sheldon, it's attitude!" "Well, Lonnie, maybe it's attitudinal karma !"

A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away.

A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.

A committee is a group of the unwilling, chosen from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

A diplomat is a man who remembers a lady's birthday but forgets her age.

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to Hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

A friend is one to whom you can pour out the contents of your heart, chaff and grain alike. Knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping ...

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

A good laugh is sunshine in a house.