A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

God writes a lot of comedy the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that. '

I'm not busy a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.