A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

All television is children's television.

California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange.

Committee a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.